a life less binary You loose it if you talk about it. EH

TCK – are you a Third Culture Kid?

Alright, just a word before you read ahead.

This page is not truly related to the rest of my blog, but is dedicated at raising awareness of the Third Culture Kid identity.

After discovering I was a TCK myself, and meeting many people with similar stories struggling with their own identity, I realised that a lot needed to be done to inform and educate on the subject. This page is just a first small step towards this.

If you want to know more about this subject, please have a look at the resources linked below. I will also happily try to answer any question you might have in the comment section below.

Definition

A third-culture kid is an individual who, having spent a significant part of their develop-mental years in a culture other than their parents’ home culture, develops a sense of relationship to all of the cultures, while not having full ownership in any.
Elements from each culture are incorporated into the life experience, but the sense of belonging is in relationship to others of similar experience.*

Can you relate to that definition?

Is it difficult for you to answer the simple question "where are you from ?"

Do you sometimes have the feeling that you don't really fit in, even though you are back in your passport country?

Then you might be a TCK:-)

Resources

Third Culture Kid: Growing Up Among Worlds

Don't wait any longer and go learn more about Third Culture Kids at http://www.tckid.com, connect with fellow TCKs and share your experience. It might sound a bit cliché, but it might truly be an eye-opener (and this is not a sect, I swear :-)

You might also want to buy the excellent book from David Pollock and Dr Ruth E.Van Reken, Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds which is an excellent companion to discover more about the personal characteristics of TCKs, their relational patterns, the benefits and challenges of such an identity, and much more.

My Own Story

If you want to know more about my experience and my discovery of being a TCK, I have written a few words underneath.

It is difficult to put into just a few words what I feel, or the milestones of my journey towards this discovery but that should give you a few keys for understanding TCKs.

I know now that my story is no different from my fellow TCKs, as we all faced the same issues at various degrees in our lifes. So who knows, maybe you will recognise yourself in these lines and will then have the keys opening up the door to your own identity :-)

3 years ago, I stumbled upon the Third Culture Kid concept and it opened up a world of understanding of my own identity.

I wasn't depressed or deeply unhappy, but I always had to cope with the feeling that I did not quite fit in, that I was different, that I couldn't not quite relate to my peers or that I had to make extra efforts to be like everyone. But it wasn't such a big deal because in Tahiti, where I grew up, there were many kids coming from overseas, and everyone mixed quite happily.
It wasn't such an issue until I arrived in Paris in 2001, to start my Master's Degree. There, in what was my passport country, where I was suppose to fit, to blend effortlessly, I had one of the biggest shock of my life.

I clearly stood out. I wasn't accepted. I had to deal with feelings of being rejected, being perceived as a show-off because of my previous life.
Some people wanted to know where I was from, while the rest of the group was turning their noses up at me because I was telling my story - again.

I did not understand the underlying rules of fashion (which seems trivial but has a disproportionate importance in Paris), did not speak with the proper codes, did not belong to a defined group, did not go to the proper schools, had no reference about movies, TV ads, magazines that everyone was talking about, and all those little details that are not important by themselves, but remind you of your position quite effectively almost on a daily basis.

I had the toughest year of my life, struggling to adjust during the 18 months of my Master's degree. I went through all sorts of stages there: the chameleon, the wallpaper, the screamer, I down-played the fact that I grew up in a beautiful island (Tahiti) because it was considered as showing off if I talked about it, I was not comfortable speaking English in language classes because of my good level and my American accent, and more.

It got better after school ended and I went back to the professional world, but those experiences kept happening for the next 4 years, albeit less and less frequently as I was absorbing more and more cultural titbits, fading in my environment more effectively.

Would I have been a foreigner, I believe it would have been easier. But looking like a French person and speaking French with no accent, I was what I know now as a hidden immigrant, with all the struggles related to this position.

Discovering that I was a TCK helped me to understand that the problem wasn't me or the people surrounding me.
It was just a problem of misunderstanding, and lack of education / awareness about the TCK identity from both sides.

I was then able to explain better who I was, and being able to put an "official" name on my identity was proving to be a powerful way to stop being perceived as a "show-off" but an exotic person, belonging to this very exciting group of global people.

In short, it is almost as I went from outcast to glamorous outsider, with a sort of diplomatic immunity as Pico Iyer writes in “In the Transit Lounge”.
It is almost as being able to understand myself made it easier for everyone to accept me as I was!

So, the dreaded question, where am I from?

To cut a long story short, I was born in France but my parents were living in Gemany at the time. Same thing for my sister, we crossed the German border right after birth.
At the age of 6, we move back to France for a bit less than 2 years, then my dad had an opportunity to work in Tahiti, French Polynesia. I spend the following 10 years there, growing up on this beautiful island.

At the age of almost 18, I went back to the south of France for university. After my bachelor's degree, I decided to apply to a student exchange program and thus spent a year in the US, learning English and having the time of my life.
Once this year was completed, I moved back to Tahiti where I worked for a year and a half.

For personal reasons I moved back to Europe, very close to Geneva, Switzerland.
After 8 months there full-time, I decided that I wanted a Master's degree and started to commute between Paris and Geneva. I did so every single weekend for the next 2 years, and finally decided I was tired of it and moved my life completely to Paris.

After another 4 years, I had really enough of Paris and France in general and decided to move again, but this time with the intention to settle down for a longer period of time. I always had a country in the back of my mind, combining the lifestyle I was looking for, the weather I was longing for and still enough business opportunities to keep my professional life entertaining.

I spent 7 months on the road, by myself, discovering the country to make sure it was THE place I wanted to be for the years to come. And after some truly amazing experiences and 20 000 km of tarmac and dirt roads, I believe it is.

So here I am now. In Australia.

Other resources

InterNations - the Network for Expatriates and Global Minds
Third Culture Kids Everywhere
TCKWorld (scroll all the way down for some interesting studies on Adult TCKs)

Do you know any resources that could be useful? Let us know in the comment section!

*Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds by David C. Pollock and Ruth Van Reken. (Boston, MA. Nicholas Brealey, 2001, p. 19)